Shadow of the Erdtree: My Bikini and the Nerdy Apocalypse

It's summer, the kind of summer where the sun is a relentless ball of fire, baking you alive like a Sunday roast with very high temperatures that could make one delirious. I'm that girl, the one you see at the beach in a bikini so small it's practically a declaration of war on gravity (and yes, close your mouth now!) You know, the kind of girl who should be sipping margaritas and flirting with lifeguards, not battling giant, pixelated monsters, and hitting nightclubs when the time comes. But here I am, covered in fake blood and virtual bruises because a bunch of nerds decided to release a game that's so addictive, that it's almost criminal.

Shadow of the Erdtree. What a name, right? Sounds like something out of a bad sci-fi movie. But let’s get real for a second. This game is like a crack for the socially inept. It is so good that even a sexy girl may give up some of her time at the beach or club to play it. It's a digital black hole that sucks you in and spits you out, days later, looking like a zombie.

The gameplay? A masterpiece of frustration; like dancing with an angry bear with one eye closed - just one wrong move and you could find your controller being turned into an explosive projectile! Make no mistake: you must buy Shadow of the Eldtree. Yet somehow overcoming such challenges gives us such an adrenaline rush, almost like sex, helping to distract us from outside pressures like melting asphalt!

This story? It is such an intricate mess that only true nerds would appreciate its complexity - and I am one of them - like trying to understand quantum physics while drunk (and I can recognize myself here as well). Yet that only added another level of intrigue; here you have strange creatures, mysterious messages, and plot twists so convoluted as to make any conspiracy theorist blush!

The sound? Well, it’s the kind of sound that makes you feel like you're in a constant state of impending doom which contrasts sharply with the sound I am accustomed to from the nightclubs. It’s like being trapped in a haunted house with a really bad orchestra or trying to dance on Metallica's Master of Puppets. But hey, it adds to the atmosphere, I guess, and while I am not a fan of heavy metal (or whatever Metallica sings), I am a fan of Elden Ring, and this extension is something else.

Now, let's talk about the relationship between Shadow of the Erdtree and its predecessor: one of the things I like is that you can get it for less. You heard me! If you buy cheap PS5 games, it is enough to have the full game (Elden Ring, right?), and all you need to enjoy is to get the separate Shador of the Erdtree DLC. On the other hand, for those who do not have Elden Ring (what a shame! Do you call yourself a "gamer"?), get the same offer on reverse: pay once and get both as a package. It’s like adding another layer to an already complex cake. More enemies, more challenges, more ways to die. It’s like FromSoftware said, "Hey, you liked getting your ass kicked? Well, get ready for a round two."

As for the genre, it’s a classic case of "if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it." But maybe enrich it, just to make all nerds go crazy! It’s a Souls-like, which means it's as hard (right?) as nails but incredibly rewarding (sometimes, but only sometimes, better than sex!). It’s the gaming equivalent of a masochist's wet dream or something else :)

So, there you have it. A bikini-clad girl's take on a nerdy video game that took us by surprise. It's a strange combination, I know, but hey, opposites attract (not really). And right now, I’m more attracted to my controller than any real-life human.

But don’t worry, boys, I’ll be back to the beach soon. Just as soon as I figure out how to defeat that damn dragon.